On Myself

I am preparing to provide four talks for a retreat this coming weekend. The theme is "I Want to Change!" While I am going to teach a biblical way of thinking about the process a believer in Jesus Christ embarks on the moment of saving faith, that process of being transformed into Christlikeness, I find myself pulling together a history of how I have thought about myself over the nearly 45 years I have been a Christian.

In 1995 I spoke on change for my own church's women's retreat. At that time I had been a believer 30 years. As I prepared for that retreat I looked over journals from early in my life to note areas I had changed, only to be mortified to see myself still struggling with the same things. Was the idea of transformation a lie? It couldn't be. So, I knew I needed a better grasp on what Christian spiritual growth was. As I studied for the talks I gave on that retreat fourteen years ago, I was encouraged by truth I will be sharing with a new group of women in three days. It strengthened my resolve to follow and serve my Savior…BUT, looking back now, I still carried around in my thinking an error concerning what it meant for me to grow and CHANGE as a believer. This error, that God wanted me to be a different me, was dealt with in a very creative way by my heavenly Father in 2005!

When I started my journey with cancer, I really hoped that I was embarking on a life-changing experience. So many believers before me had testimonies in dealing with various threats to life and coming out altered, that I expected I would also. At some point shortly after my initial round of treatment, I was having a conversation with a friend and summed up what I had come to realize. “I thought this would change me…but I am still me…I am still me, but I’ve shared a deeply intimate experience with the Lord. I know that experience was part of how the Lord is forming Christ in me…but I am still me.”

At that point I remembered something I learned when I was 20 years old shortly after a deep bout of depression, a mere eight years into my faith walk. This was a long ago discovery that was bearing new fruit in my post-cancer life: God made me and loves me, and saved me and intends to sanctify me (make me holy) but I am still me…a broken me becoming a more Christlike me, a more God-glorifying me...but still me... and I am glad I am the me that the Lord made.

What about you? Do you, like I did, imagine a need to be or harbor an expectation to become someone other than who you are? Do you hate something about yourself, or carry some shame, and secretly hope for pieces of your personality or history to be gone…to replaced by a different self—one you imagine being happier to live with? That is a wrong concept. Think of the changes you’ve already experienced and which God delights in. In Christ you are forgiven, cleansed, made spiritually alive--a new creation, no longer a slave to sin. You belong to Someone, are given new purpose for life by Him, and are not left alone as you learn to obey and please Him out of love for Him…You are who you are...it's just that your identity is complete (you are not just you, but you are you "in Christ"), and your destiny is certain (when you see Him you shall be like Him)!

The only “changes” we need and should desire are those which come as we confess and forsake sin in our lives and surrender to the help of the Holy Spirit to walk in humble obedience. We will change, God will see to it! (How many of us claim Philippians 1:6 as a "life verse"?) We will become--I am becoming--a loving, joy-filled, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled me. But I will still be me. You will still be you. To God be the glory! We will be fit for heaven, and that is the point!

On HGTV and Giving

A challenging passage in the book of Haggai 1:4-8 comes to mind as I enjoy a pleasure only available to me while on vacation. It reads, "Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? This is what the LORD Almighty says: Consider how things are going for you! You have planted much but harvested little. You have food to eat, but not enough to fill you up. You have wine to drink, but not enough to satisfy your thirst. You have clothing to wear, but not enough to keep you warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes! 'This is what the LORD Almighty says: Consider how things are going for you! Now go up into the hills, bring down timber, and rebuild my house. Then I will take pleasure in it and be honored', says the LORD."

We have basic cable at our house so I do not normally see HGTV. While on vacation I binged. Along with lots of new ideas and vision for my own house, I need all the inspiration I can get from outside sources. When I was given an aptitude test before entering Penn State in 1969 I scored the lowest (a minus 13) on "interior decorator." That, combined with raising five children on a modest income, has enabled me to learn contentment in living with 30+ year old carpet, 80 year old windows, and deferring my desires to change my environment.

Along with the inspirational aspects (e.g. learning how to do some tasks and visualizing some things to help my dining room update in progress), during this HGTV binge I have also observed obscene material focus combined with very shallow values--people desperate to get larger, newer everything with so little apparent true need. I hope I have filtered that influence from my thinking. Our family of 7 managed successfully with one primary bathroom, even on Sunday mornings, even getting to church on time. That bathroom even only has one sink! Dean and I have been content to share a 12x 12 bedroom with one 6' wide closet (though we have spilled out of it as boys have moved out). Our present house is large (6 bedrooms) but we were just as happy when we had a 2 bedroom, 12' wide condo with 4 of our five boys in the early '80s. Still, contentment doesn't just come from stoically settling for what we have because we are just as subject to discontentment as anyone else. Contentment comes from being thankful for the Lord's provision, whatever it is.

We made the decision long ago that a minimum of 10% of our income would go to our local church, not because we believe the New Testament requires a tithe, but because we believe that level is the base from which we should gauge our giving. The standard in the NT is even higher than that of the Old -- freewill giving based on His owning all we have. Dean has written a "Primer on Giving" that details biblical teaching for believers today and it is available should anyone desire it. Giving to our church is giving to the Lord, expressing trust in Him to meet our other needs, and providing for the spiritual environment our children and fellow believers benefit from. Suffice it to say our priority commitment to our church has limited the leftover available income for our environment after meeting needs for the family. I am grateful I have been content with what we have had for so many years. I pray that as I apply my latest HGTV ideas using my budget that I will also grow in using my house for its true purpose...a place to minister the love of Christ to family, friends, and neighbors.

On Being There

In my second post, I talked about the wonder of female Christian fellowship. I recently spoke on friendship for a women's tea at a friend's church by explaining Hebrews 10:24-25. It is not a passage that jumps out at you as pertaining to friendship but certainly does apply. This passage contains essential instruction for how to view our relationships in the Body of Christ. It is within these relationships that our deepest friendships will be found through serving Him together.

For those who do not have a Bible nearby, the passage reads: "And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near." Now this is a particularly rich passage within its larger context, but for this post one phrase only will be highlighted. This phrase is so easily overlooked, yet I believe it is profound. We are exhorted to not forsake "our own assembling together, as is the habit of some." This phrase describes the commitment that must exist not only to Christ, but also to others in His Body. It is the "you matter to me enough to be there" glue that under girds all the blessing that friendship in Christ consists of. I believe that this phrase is the most important element of meaningful church relationships.

Today, each family unit is pressed for time by the many commitments the world forces on us. It takes a certain determination to "show up." As the previous phrases in this two-verse passage declare, it is not enough to show up for what-I-can-get. The "showing up" that pleases God is that which is for what-I-can-give. That is the motivation that tears us away from other distractions and gets us out of bed on a Sunday morning. To "not forsake" is to have made a prior decision that how I feel at the moment will not derail me from getting out the door. To "not forsake" is also to have made the prior decision that no others in my life (extended family, friends, sports teams), for whom spiritual fellowship means little or nothing, will impose on me their preference that I not participate in worship or other fellowship in order to accommodate them. Certainly, this passage warns that such a forsaking of assembling can become a habit, a default position. But, that will not happen when our personal criteria for absenting ourselves from church-family events is set quite high. So, set that bar quite high. Set it high not to look good or out of a sense of grudging duty. Do it to please and obey the Lord who knows what you need. He designed the local church to use other believers to bless and mature you and use you to bless and mature others. Twice-a-month regularity is a twice-a-month habit of forsaking assembly. What is good enough? To purpose never to be absent apart from a pre-determined criteria.

My own bar is that I must have an unwelcome communicable disease (for me this means more than the common cold) or be physically incapacitated. My cancer treatments weakened but did not incapacitate me (thank you, Lord) so I was present every Sunday throughout those months, but flu kept me home two weeks ago. When my children were small, their illnesses could keep me home with one or the other. But, I made that decision (not them) and they went to church if they would have been well enough to go to school, even though I homeschooled. As the boys grew, they were not allowed to participate in any activity that took place on Sunday regularly. Occasional Boy Scout camping trips were allowed because they had a "chapel." When they began working they told employers that they preferred not to work on Sunday and would not work Sunday morning. My boys learned the value we placed on attendance at worship. Today they each own this commitment for themselves. If people visit us, they come with us to church or they understand that we will be at church -- and that is not just because my husband is a pastor. For nine years he was in business and the same rule applied. During those particular years when we could easily have been away many weekends, we determined not to do so or to be home Saturday night because it was not a small thing for us to miss Sunday with our spiritual family. If we go away, we go to a Bible teaching church where we are, even if we are traveling on a Sunday (what fun that has been!)

So, what is the point? Commitment to one's local church is not an option for a believer. That commitment will be demonstrated by obeying Hebrews 10:25. Being there will provide the foundation needed for the deep rewarding friendships that will endure. Being there with the purpose of encouraging one another will ward off the urge to simply pick up and try out another church fellowship. Being there says, I love you. Being there says, I am willing to serve you. Being there says, God saved me and God saved you and we are one in Him. Being there says, especially to our children, there is no higher priority in my life at this hour.

On a Profound Dilemma

I have been engaged of late in the process of lining up the women's Bible teachers and studies for women in our church over the coming year. The options on the table along with the willingness (and preparedness) of the women who would teach was impressive. Following a time of prayer for God's leading and a robust discussion, the decisions were made with a grateful sense of the Holy Spirit's presence in the details. Wonderful!

But, this joy-filled decision process is like a silver lining highlighting a dark cloud. More than 80% of the women in our church participate in small groups for fellowship and study with their husbands (if married). At least half of those have the opportunity and, it seems, the desire to gather around the Word of God an additional time each week during fall and winter/spring study sessions. Half of the women in the church each year participate in our Weekend Away retreat where they are again taken into the Word. When those leading and teaching them have a commitment to sound doctrine and prefer to take their sisters into the Bible (as opposed to other Christian books), the women partaking of the weekly study opportunity grow all the more in wisdom and knowledge of the Truth. But what of the men in the church? What of the husbands of these women?

Men's ministry does take place in our fellowship. Some quality opportunities for them to study together have been presented over the past several years. But, whether by competing interests or by necessities of their work schedule, relatively few have benefited compared to the proportion of women who participate. Do they not want to learn the content of their faith or discuss the impact of Scripture truth in their lives enough to find ways to take advantage of what has been offered? Do their wives not want them away from home, when they could be home, depriving them of the sense of support they need to make the spiritual investment? Does the world and its demands, such as in the area of children's sports, mean that they are only willing to attend church on Sunday morning and maybe a twice/month small group? Do they make up for the lack of man-to-man connection around the Word with their own study? (Doubtful but for a few.) The church NEEDS men who love the Truth. We need men who care to understand sound doctrine and correct interpretation and application of Scripture. Men need to interact with men in manly ways over issues pertaining to the Gospel and to the church.

The answer to this dilemma is not to withhold from women opportunities to learn and grow until the men are equal to the investment for themselves. But, we women must pray for and encourage the men in our orbit to partake of similar opportunities -- even at our sacrifice when we would prefer to keep them home. In fact, we must pray that the opportunities for them will continue to be provided by able leaders (of whom there are few). And, at the least we must pray that if all our men can do is be present on Sunday morning and participate in a small group, that they are alert, attentive, inquisitive, prepared for and willing to apply what they learn, as well as willing to read and think further on their own time. Finally, we must be careful not to lord over the men in our relationships our growing knowledge and convictions. Instead, we must commit to utilizing our spiritual insight to be humble servants of those around us. And, that IS indeed the silver lining.

On Being in the Company of Women

I spent the last weekend with a bunch of women. That can be a scary thing if you aren't used to it or if the women aren't, in the majority, women who love the Lord Jesus Christ therefore able to love others authentically.

Women are by nature (by sinful nature) given to suspicion, cattiness, comparison, mask wearing, etc. I have a theory, that for all I know has already been proven by someone, that women actually dress stylishly and put on make-up and jewelry more to maintain an image in front of women than for men. We seem to be highly competitive in that sense. If we don't feel secure, the last place we would want to spend a weekend would be in the company of women we don't know well - i.e. among whom we don't know where we fit in the pecking order. Perhaps it is similar with men...no...they have "pecking order", but don't relate to each other the way women do. They don't play the same games.

What made this past weekend such a delight? Several things. First of all, we (most of us) know we are sinners saved by grace. So, most of us arrived with nothing to prove beyond love for our Savior--by loving each other. Secondly, we have cultivated a radical openness, being able and willing to confess faults to one another and admit failures. We do this, not to impress one another with our piety, but because we value such openness with the Lord. Once you have admitted a fault to Him and experience His forgiveness, there is no longer a reason to hide our inner selves from others. Third, and this is related to the others, we want to quickly let each other know that nothing any of us think is awful about ourselves, nothing that would cause any of us personal shame and a drive to hide, will lower any woman's esteem in our eyes. Since we can each relate to that impulse to cover up, we desire to affirm to each other that we are safe in THIS group to lower the mask.

So, coming away from this recent experience of the wonder of authentic female Christian fellowship I pondered the two major points of truth I have articulated as undergirding a Biblical philosophy of women's ministry: "Women need Women" and "Women need the Word" (of God). Are these two things true of Christian women only? Of course not. They are also true of women who are outside of relationship with the Lord through Christ. By God's grace I am going to begin assuming these truths (arising from Titus 2:3-5) in my relationships with women in my neighborhood. Outside of Christ, no woman knows the depth of rewarding relationship possible with other women. No woman knows her need of God's Word. Most of the women in my neighborhood will not want either, preferring to worship self or other gods. Those whom the Lord has set His love upon will be drawn to Jesus when brought into connection with His women. This simplifies how I think about evangelism. Along with seeking to always speak well of my God, I must become more positively, though gently, assertive in seeking to connect my neighbors with Christian women (myself and/or my friends) and with truth from the Word. The Lord will work new life as He will, and I will be blessed to watch.

On Being an Older Woman

When I was 15 years old I lay on my bed one night trying to figure out what my perfect age would be. I was a young devoted follower of Jesus Christ having been born again at 13. I decided 17 would be perfect. Due to entering school early, I would graduate high school at 17. Ah, to be done with compulsory schooling...to have the freedom to choose what was next without ties to anything holding me back. To know and love God and be 17! Yes, that had to be the perfect age.

Of course, 17 came and went. As much as I would enjoy detailing multiple stages and phases in my life from that time until this, I'll jump ahead to the next time I pondered that question of age. I had just had my fifth child and was 35 years old. I looked ahead and decided that 55 would be, well, perfect! At 55 my youngest would be 20 and on his own. Ah, to have finally finished my child-rearing years...to finally have something to offer others of substance with time and energy to do it! Yes, that had to be the perfect age.

Hmmm, 55 has come and gone. I suppose at this point, my growing age will simply be maturing in its perfection. I am grateful to belong to Jesus, and grateful to be older, though I do tend to wonder if I yet have anything of significant substance to give to others. I take that on faith. Titus 2:3 specifies that ministry to women in the local church must be entrusted to older women of godly character. The term "presbytis" is a term of age. As one lexicon puts it,a presbytis is an "aged woman." So, here I am. I have arrived, by the grace of God. Lord willing, what I write will fulfill the burden on the older godly woman...to teach what is good and "sophronizo" (urge, train, advise, bring to one's senses, encourage...) those who stop by.