On Being There

In my second post, I talked about the wonder of female Christian fellowship. I recently spoke on friendship for a women's tea at a friend's church by explaining Hebrews 10:24-25. It is not a passage that jumps out at you as pertaining to friendship but certainly does apply. This passage contains essential instruction for how to view our relationships in the Body of Christ. It is within these relationships that our deepest friendships will be found through serving Him together.

For those who do not have a Bible nearby, the passage reads: "And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near." Now this is a particularly rich passage within its larger context, but for this post one phrase only will be highlighted. This phrase is so easily overlooked, yet I believe it is profound. We are exhorted to not forsake "our own assembling together, as is the habit of some." This phrase describes the commitment that must exist not only to Christ, but also to others in His Body. It is the "you matter to me enough to be there" glue that under girds all the blessing that friendship in Christ consists of. I believe that this phrase is the most important element of meaningful church relationships.

Today, each family unit is pressed for time by the many commitments the world forces on us. It takes a certain determination to "show up." As the previous phrases in this two-verse passage declare, it is not enough to show up for what-I-can-get. The "showing up" that pleases God is that which is for what-I-can-give. That is the motivation that tears us away from other distractions and gets us out of bed on a Sunday morning. To "not forsake" is to have made a prior decision that how I feel at the moment will not derail me from getting out the door. To "not forsake" is also to have made the prior decision that no others in my life (extended family, friends, sports teams), for whom spiritual fellowship means little or nothing, will impose on me their preference that I not participate in worship or other fellowship in order to accommodate them. Certainly, this passage warns that such a forsaking of assembling can become a habit, a default position. But, that will not happen when our personal criteria for absenting ourselves from church-family events is set quite high. So, set that bar quite high. Set it high not to look good or out of a sense of grudging duty. Do it to please and obey the Lord who knows what you need. He designed the local church to use other believers to bless and mature you and use you to bless and mature others. Twice-a-month regularity is a twice-a-month habit of forsaking assembly. What is good enough? To purpose never to be absent apart from a pre-determined criteria.

My own bar is that I must have an unwelcome communicable disease (for me this means more than the common cold) or be physically incapacitated. My cancer treatments weakened but did not incapacitate me (thank you, Lord) so I was present every Sunday throughout those months, but flu kept me home two weeks ago. When my children were small, their illnesses could keep me home with one or the other. But, I made that decision (not them) and they went to church if they would have been well enough to go to school, even though I homeschooled. As the boys grew, they were not allowed to participate in any activity that took place on Sunday regularly. Occasional Boy Scout camping trips were allowed because they had a "chapel." When they began working they told employers that they preferred not to work on Sunday and would not work Sunday morning. My boys learned the value we placed on attendance at worship. Today they each own this commitment for themselves. If people visit us, they come with us to church or they understand that we will be at church -- and that is not just because my husband is a pastor. For nine years he was in business and the same rule applied. During those particular years when we could easily have been away many weekends, we determined not to do so or to be home Saturday night because it was not a small thing for us to miss Sunday with our spiritual family. If we go away, we go to a Bible teaching church where we are, even if we are traveling on a Sunday (what fun that has been!)

So, what is the point? Commitment to one's local church is not an option for a believer. That commitment will be demonstrated by obeying Hebrews 10:25. Being there will provide the foundation needed for the deep rewarding friendships that will endure. Being there with the purpose of encouraging one another will ward off the urge to simply pick up and try out another church fellowship. Being there says, I love you. Being there says, I am willing to serve you. Being there says, God saved me and God saved you and we are one in Him. Being there says, especially to our children, there is no higher priority in my life at this hour.

On Being in the Company of Women

I spent the last weekend with a bunch of women. That can be a scary thing if you aren't used to it or if the women aren't, in the majority, women who love the Lord Jesus Christ therefore able to love others authentically.

Women are by nature (by sinful nature) given to suspicion, cattiness, comparison, mask wearing, etc. I have a theory, that for all I know has already been proven by someone, that women actually dress stylishly and put on make-up and jewelry more to maintain an image in front of women than for men. We seem to be highly competitive in that sense. If we don't feel secure, the last place we would want to spend a weekend would be in the company of women we don't know well - i.e. among whom we don't know where we fit in the pecking order. Perhaps it is similar with men...no...they have "pecking order", but don't relate to each other the way women do. They don't play the same games.

What made this past weekend such a delight? Several things. First of all, we (most of us) know we are sinners saved by grace. So, most of us arrived with nothing to prove beyond love for our Savior--by loving each other. Secondly, we have cultivated a radical openness, being able and willing to confess faults to one another and admit failures. We do this, not to impress one another with our piety, but because we value such openness with the Lord. Once you have admitted a fault to Him and experience His forgiveness, there is no longer a reason to hide our inner selves from others. Third, and this is related to the others, we want to quickly let each other know that nothing any of us think is awful about ourselves, nothing that would cause any of us personal shame and a drive to hide, will lower any woman's esteem in our eyes. Since we can each relate to that impulse to cover up, we desire to affirm to each other that we are safe in THIS group to lower the mask.

So, coming away from this recent experience of the wonder of authentic female Christian fellowship I pondered the two major points of truth I have articulated as undergirding a Biblical philosophy of women's ministry: "Women need Women" and "Women need the Word" (of God). Are these two things true of Christian women only? Of course not. They are also true of women who are outside of relationship with the Lord through Christ. By God's grace I am going to begin assuming these truths (arising from Titus 2:3-5) in my relationships with women in my neighborhood. Outside of Christ, no woman knows the depth of rewarding relationship possible with other women. No woman knows her need of God's Word. Most of the women in my neighborhood will not want either, preferring to worship self or other gods. Those whom the Lord has set His love upon will be drawn to Jesus when brought into connection with His women. This simplifies how I think about evangelism. Along with seeking to always speak well of my God, I must become more positively, though gently, assertive in seeking to connect my neighbors with Christian women (myself and/or my friends) and with truth from the Word. The Lord will work new life as He will, and I will be blessed to watch.